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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?